Let’s be brutally honest: the holidays are already a pressure cooker of expectations, emotions, family dynamics, and forced cheer. Add divorce into that mix and suddenly you’re living in a seasonal Hallmark movie written by Quentin Tarantino. Not exactly the cozy vibe you were going for.
If you’re reading this, you’re likely contemplating divorce, already knee-deep in the process, or slogging through the aftermath. And now—you’re doing it during the “most wonderful time of the year.”
Deep breath. You’re not alone, and you’re not doomed. There are strategies, mindset shifts, and practical moves that can help you not just survive this season, but navigate it in a way that protects your peace, reduces conflict, and supports your well-being.
This guide is here to walk you through exactly that.
1. Start by Ditching the Pinterest Holiday Fantasy
Let’s level-set expectations: Your holidays this year will not look like they did two years ago. They might not look like what you dreamed of when your kids were little, and they definitely won’t look like whatever perfect nonsense you’re scrolling past on Instagram.
And that’s okay.
Lowering expectations isn’t admitting defeat—it’s strategic. When you stop fighting reality, you create space to design a holiday that works for this version of you. Not the old one. Not the future one. The right-here-right-now one.
Ask yourself:
- What truly matters to me this year?
- What traditions do I actually care about keeping?
- What can I release without guilt?
You’re not required to perform holiday magic for everyone else at the expense of your sanity. You get to choose what stays and what goes.
2. Create a Simple, Conflict-Reducing Holiday Parenting Plan
If you share children with your soon-to-be-ex, this is where holiday tension likes to settle in and make itself at home. The way to keep conflict from exploding like a fresh-shaken bottle of champagne is clarity, boundaries, and communication that’s short, neutral, and written.
Here’s what that looks like:
Keep communication factual and business-like.
Holiday emotions can make even the most “reasonable” co-parent go rogue. Don’t match their energy. Keep it calm and straight to the point. Imagine you’re emailing a colleague, not a co-parent who used to leave socks all over the house.
Put everything in writing.
Schedules, pick-ups, drop-offs, gift expectations, travel plans. Everything. If it’s not written, it’s an argument waiting to happen. And if things go sideways later, documentation becomes your best friend.
Delay the big conversations.
Holidays are not the time to renegotiate the entire divorce. Unless something is truly urgent, postpone big topics until January. Trying to “work things out” when emotions are already high is usually a recipe for conflict, not closure.
Establish kid-focused priorities.
Remember: your kids don’t need perfection—they need peace. They’re navigating their own version of holiday transition during separation and/or divorce, and they will take cues from you.
If you can keep the co-parenting holiday schedule predictable, centered on their well-being, and drama-minimum, you’ve already given them the most meaningful gift.
3. Expect—and Plan For—Holiday-Related Delays
If you’re in the legal process of divorce, you may already know: courts slow down around the holidays. Attorneys take time off. Mediators go on vacation. Paperwork stalls. Emails sit.
You’re not imagining it—divorce timelines do lag significantly from mid-November through early January.
So instead of spiraling or checking your email like it’s a part-time job:
Anticipate the slowdown.
Things will take longer. Decisions will pause. Your case might not move until after the new year—and that’s normal.
Build your mindset around it.
Nothing is “wrong.” Your divorce didn’t stall because of something you did or didn’t do. It’s simply the holiday season reality. Expect it so the frustration doesn’t derail you.
Use the downtime intentionally.
This is a great moment to organize documents, think through your long-term goals, work with your divorce coach, strengthen your emotional toolkit, or simply rest. Not everything needs to be fought for right this second.
4. Give Yourself Permission to Feel All the Feelings
Holiday heartbreak hits differently. You’re surrounded by reminders of what used to be, what you hoped would be, and what will never be again. Individuals going through divorce during the holidays will often try to muscle through by pretending they’re “fine.” Spoiler: you don’t have to be fine.
You’re allowed to feel sad.
You’re allowed to grieve the family traditions that aren’t happening this year. You’re allowed to feel angry, lonely, relieved, or even guilty for feeling relieved. None of these feelings are wrong.
Name the emotion, then support it.
Instead of suppressing it, try:
“I’m feeling sad right now because this holiday looks different.”
Then ask yourself:
“What do I need at this moment?”
Sometimes it’s a cry. Sometimes it’s a walk. Sometimes it’s blasting your favorite music while cleaning the kitchen like you’re in a music video.
As long as it isn’t self-harming (i.e. overindulging in shopping, or on food or alcohol)… whatever gets you through is valid.
5. Build a Self-Care Plan That Actually Helps (Not the Instagram Version)
This is not the time of year to wing your self-care. Also, self-care does not have to look like bubble baths, $18 matcha lattes, or a complicated morning routine that requires three journals and a ring light.
Real self-care is the stuff that stabilizes your emotional state and keeps you grounded:
Choose three non-negotiables.
Examples:
- A 20-minute walk every morning
- No alcohol on the nights you have the kids
- A nightly wind-down routine
- A weekly session with your coach
- Saying “no” to events you’re attending out of obligation
Pick only three. Keep them doable. Protect them like they’re state secrets.
Feed yourself actual meals.
Not holiday cookies and vibes. Blood sugar crashes make conflict worse, make communication harder, and make holiday and divorce emotions bigger. Eat real food.
Limit your contact with chaos-people.
You know exactly who they are. Enough said.
6. Create New Traditions That Are Yours to Keep
Even if you keep some past traditions for your kids, this is the perfect time to create something new—something that symbolizes your emerging independence and the life you are designing.
Ideas clients I’ve coached have created:
- A “tree-trimming pajamas night” with their kids
- A solo holiday brunch at a favorite café
- A Christmas Eve walk under the lights
- A small gift to themselves every season
- A “gratitude list for what I’m reclaiming” ritual
- Volunteering somewhere meaningful
- Attending a new event, like a tree lighting or devotional gathering
New traditions help rewire the holiday experience and give you something to enjoy rather than endure.
7. Choose Your Responses, Not Their Behavior
If your spouse—or ex—has a flair for drama during the holidays, you’ll need your most grounded, empowered, “I do not take this bait” energy.
Here’s your mantra:
Their behavior is about them. My response is about me.
You don’t have to mirror their tone, match their anger, or absorb their stress. You can respond slowly, calmly, and with intention. You can delay responding at all. You can hold your boundary without giving a TED Talk about it.
You stay in control by staying centered, not by convincing them to behave differently.
8. Remember: You Don’t Have to Do This Alone
The holidays hit uniquely hard when you’re navigating divorce—but they don’t have to break you. Working with a certified divorce coach, leaning on supportive friends, joining a small support group, or simply having one person you can text when things feel heavy can completely shift your experience.
Whether you’re my current client or someone just exploring support, know this:
You deserve a holiday season that feels peaceful, grounded, and honest.
You deserve rest.
You deserve joy—even if it looks different this year.
You deserve a future that feels better than your past.
And you’re building that future right now, one empowered choice at a time.
If you want personalized strategies to get through this season and start the new year with less conflict and more clarity, you’re always welcome to reach out. This is the work I do every day, and you don’t have to navigate divorce alone.
You’ve got this. And if you don’t feel like you’ve got this yet—I’ve got you.
Want to talk? Click here to schedule a complimentary 30 minute consult call with me here.