Divorce is hard. There’s no getting around that.
It’s emotional. It’s disruptive. And at times, it can feel like every decision carries enormous weight.
But while divorce itself is difficult, I’ve seen something else over and over again in my work as a Certified Divorce Coach…
People often unintentionally make the process harder than it needs to be.
Not because they’re making bad decisions. Because they’re making human decisions.
I made some of these mistakes during my own divorce, too. Looking back, I can see that I wasn’t failing—I was doing the best I could while navigating one of the most emotionally challenging seasons of my life. That’s one of the reasons I’m so passionate about helping others move through divorce with more clarity and less unnecessary conflict.
When you’re hurt, scared, overwhelmed, or grieving, it’s easy to react instead of respond. It’s easy to make choices from emotion instead of intention. And it’s easy to lose sight of the outcome you actually want.
Here are five common mistakes I see people make—and how becoming aware of them can help you move through your divorce with greater clarity, confidence, and peace of mind.
1. Reacting Instead of Responding
Your spouse sends a text. Your stomach drops. Your heart starts racing.
Before you’ve even finished reading the message, you’re mentally drafting your reply.
Sound familiar?
One of the quickest ways to increase conflict is reacting in the moment. Not every text requires an immediate response.
Not every accusation deserves a defense. Not every disagreement needs to become a battle.
When emotions are running high, giving yourself permission to pause is one of the most powerful things you can do. That pause creates space.
Space to think. Space to regulate your emotions. Space to decide what response—if any—best serves your long-term goals. The strongest response is rarely the fastest one.
2. Trying to Win Every Argument
Divorce has a way of turning everyday conversations into competitions.
Who was right? Who started it? Who said what? Who deserves the last word?
Here’s the truth:
Winning the argument doesn’t always move you closer to the outcome you want.
Sometimes it simply creates another argument. Before engaging, ask yourself:
“What am I trying to accomplish here?”
If your goal is to reduce conflict, protect your peace, or move the process forward, proving a point may not be the most productive path.
This isn’t about staying silent or giving in. It’s about choosing your energy wisely.
3. Making Decisions Out of Fear
Fear is a normal part of divorce. Fear of being alone. Fear of making the wrong decision. Fear about finances. Fear of the future.
The problem isn’t feeling fear. The problem is allowing fear to become your decision-maker.
Fear tends to focus on worst-case scenarios. Clarity focuses on what you know today.
When clients feel overwhelmed, I often encourage them to slow the decision-making process just enough to ask themselves:
“Am I making this decision because it aligns with my values—or because I’m trying to escape discomfort?”
That single question can shift everything.
4. Believing You Have to Handle Everything Alone
Many people convince themselves they should be able to figure it all out.
They don’t want to burden family. They don’t want to appear weak. They don’t want anyone to know they’re struggling.
So they carry everything by themselves.
Divorce is one of the biggest life transitions most people will ever experience.
There is nothing weak about asking for support. In fact, surrounding yourself with the right people can make a tremendous difference.
Your support team may include:
- A family law attorney
- A financial professional
- A therapist
- Trusted friends or family
- A certified divorce coach
Each serves a different role. You may not need all of them, but for sure, you don’t have to handle divorce alone..
The very first person I hired in my own divorce was a certified divorce coach because I knew absolutely nothing about divorce or how I was going to get through it – but I was determined not to let it destroy me.
My divorce coach was a life saver.
She guided and supported me through navigating one of the most difficult events of my life. my weekly hour with her and how she helped me gain confidence to make grounded, wise, strategic, calm decisions in my divorce process was a huge part of how I was able to keep my eyes on my future and my health and my children instead of getting stuck in the anger, hurt, fear, and brokenness.
Supporting my clients through this life-altering event full of hard decisions and big emotions is my mission and purpose. Guiding and providing clients with skills and tools to not only get through divorce, but to redefine who they are and what they want moving forward is where my experience and training shine.
5. Forgetting That Every Decision Shapes Your Future
It’s easy to become consumed by today’s problem. The difficult email. The frustrating conversation. The disagreement over finances.
But divorce isn’t just about getting through today. It’s about building tomorrow.
Every response, every boundary, and every decision is helping shape the next chapter of your life.
When emotions are high, try asking yourself:
“Will this matter six months from now?”
Or even better:
“Will the way I handle this today move me closer to the life I’m trying to build?”
Those questions often bring clarity when emotions are clouding the moment.
Your Divorce Doesn’t Have to Be Perfect
One of the biggest misconceptions I see is the belief that there’s a “right” way to go through divorce. There isn’t.
You’ll have good days. You’ll have difficult days. You’ll probably say something you wish you hadn’t.
You’ll second-guess yourself from time to time. That’s part of being human. The goal isn’t perfection. The goal is making thoughtful decisions more often than reactive ones.
Every pause before responding. Every healthy boundary. Every decision rooted in your values instead of your emotions. Those small choices add up. And over time, they create a very different divorce experience.
You Don’t Have to Navigate This Alone
Divorce coaching isn’t about telling you what to do.
It’s about helping you think more clearly, communicate more effectively, and make decisions you can feel confident about—especially when emotions are running high.
As a Certified Divorce Coach trained in Alternative Dispute Resolution, I help clients reduce unnecessary conflict, stay grounded during difficult moments, and navigate divorce with greater clarity and intention.
If you’re feeling overwhelmed, uncertain, or simply want a trusted guide alongside you, I invite you to schedule a complimentary Divorce Fit Call.
We’ll talk about where you are, what’s feeling most challenging, and whether coaching is the right fit for you. You don’t have to have everything figured out before you reach out.
Sometimes the most important step is simply deciding you don’t have to do it alone.
You’re Not Meant to Stay Stuck Here.
Coming This Fall…
At some point, the questions change. You’re no longer wondering how to get through your divorce.
You’re wondering how to stop letting it define your life.
How do you trust yourself again?
How do you stop making every decision through the lens of what happened?
How do you rebuild your confidence, your identity…and maybe even become the hottest, healthiest, happiest version of yourself yet?
Not to prove anything to your ex.
To prove it to yourself.
I’m creating a brand-new coaching experience for women who are ready to stop surviving divorce and start intentionally building a life that’s stronger, more joyful, more confident, and completely their own.